HOW TO MAKE A CUPCAKE

This cupcake ->

Some stuff you'll need

milk

flour

some beans

a bowl

pan

baggies

whisk

This cupcake right here
<-

NOT TO BE
CONFUSED
WITH

*but it'd be good to have a bottle on hand, for emergencies

First, boil some pears. When they go soft, blend them until they're applesauce. Except instead of being applesauce it's pearsauce.

Put the pearsauce back in the pot and boil it for like...an hour?

You could start making a picture with that amount of time.

Draw some picture. Make sure it looks good. And then start inking it with a five dollar marker.

While the pearsauce is boiling, get a single vanilla bean and scrape the seeds out. It'll look like a bunch of tar but I swear it's a bunch of seeds.

^^^ Smells like alcohol >>>

WAIT, I gotta finish my linework.

Okay, great.

Put some flour and sugar in a bowl with the vanilla seeds. Then blend it with some butter.

<-Totally vanilla seeds and not tar I got off of the road.

At some point you gotta put the milk in. Blend until it looks like cupcake batter.

hint: That's what it should look like. ^^^^

Pour batter into a cupcake pan and bake in the oven until they look baked enough.

That takes a lot of work.

I gotta start putting value in that picture..

Put value in the picture. If you don't know what that means, just color some spots darker than other spots.

Value here

and here

To make the filling: mix some brown sugar, butter, sugar, and more sugar together.

At some point you should probably take the cupcakes out of the oven so you don't burn the house down.

Perfect cupcakes ->

Don't forget to put value in the glove.

Lookin' great so far.

Shit, it's already like, three in the morning. Go to sleep.

When you wake up, don't bother showering or eating yet. There are more important things to do, like carving holes into cupcakes.

PRO TIP: The cupcake bits you carved out go great with the whiskey you saved for emergencies.

Put the pearsauce in the holes. Then put the frosting in a plastic bag.

<- This whiskey


Perfect for sudden self-loathing.

Make sure the frosting doesn't look like garbage when you frost the cupcake.

This. :)

Not this. :(

Don't forget to put value in the background!

If you can find the sprinkles shown in the stock image, put golden sprinkles in a plate and smash your cupcakes into the sprinkles.

More value

SO


SPARKLY

IT'S LIKE MAGIC

Oh yeah, you should finish the picture too.

Have a shit ton of dishes to wash?

Fear not!!!

Just blackmail someone into doing it for you. :)

And don't forget to put your initials somewhere on the picture.